Every day we are faced with challenges and we have the option to sit and complain about those challenges or jump in and figure out how to solve the problem. Now don’t get me wrong we all have off days. Yesterday was one of those days for me. You know the age old expression lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part? Well when your a social worker that doesn't really apply. Everything constitutes an emergency on my part. At times this becomes incredibly frustrating. Yesterday I had hit my limit and I turned into a big giant complainer.
I was literally a giant tailspin and frankly it was compounded when I had to go into a store that I am not a fan of to buy an item for someone else. Sometimes there are people, sometimes there are places and sometimes there are events that really push our buttons. But usually I can manage these factors and truly do my best to not be a giant complainer.
Several years ago someone pointed out to me that I was literally completely miserable. She wasn’t wrong, but she compared me to someone who I viewed as an incredibly negative person and it was like a lightbulb went on. I did not want to be a giant Negative Nancy. I had to change.
I’m not saying that change happens overnight because it doesn’t…. Change takes time and practice…. But you have to stop the avalanche of negativity and you stop that avalanche one snowball at a time….
You have to stop yourself literally sometimes and look around and find something positive to focus on….. Something anything….literally remind yourself you know what this is a challenge and I may not care for it but it is a challenge and I am going to accept this challenge and take it in stride…. I’m going to make the best out of whatever the day brings me….
I am by no means saying that your life is going to suddenly become all rainbows and unicorns because it’s not…. Some days will be better than others…. Some days you will step into a giant muddy puddle when you are dressed in your best dress…. But what are you going to do about it? Get mad? Cry? Does that really help anything?
Stop getting in your own way! Stop making every little problem worse but allowing it to consume you and take over your entire day! You are in control of that! You control your emotions! You control your reactions! I know what your thinking… your thinking you don’t understand…. But I do. We all think that the grass is greener somewhere else…. That someone else has it better. But do they? You think the grass is greener over here or over there…. But it’s not… it’s just different grass so take care of your own grass! So stop comparing… stop being negative…. Be a problem solver….
Give it a try today…. Just try to be a little more positive
You are still stuck back at thinking I don’t understand but I do. I’ve been through a lot remember. I know you have to work….. Do you? Is that how you say it? You have to work? Or do you get to work and because you work you have the ability to provide for your family? You have to clean the house? Or you get to clean a house that your family has the luxury of living in?
You can think I’m a little over the top right now…. But I’m telling you that your perspective will make a huge difference…..
Trust me I have been in that negative place….. When My son was a month old his father lost his job…. And I HAD to go back to work almost immediately. I HAD to and I blamed him every single day for that. I was so angry and so miserable. But I HAD to keep a roof over my newborn babies head and I HAD to be able to buy diapers and all of the other things that babies need.
It took a long time but now I know that I get to go to work to be able to provide for my child. I get to go to work and because I get to do that I was able to buy a house. All by myself. My job is no walk in the park so don’t think that I am totally crazy. But I get to go to work. There are some people who don’t or can’t go to work. I can do that. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of times when I really feel miserable but I try to find something positive about every situation.
Social worker’s call this the Strengths Perspective but in our house I pretty much call it - Stop acting like a grumpy old man. There are times that we all need a little reminder that we truly don’t have it all that bad. At times our perspective of our own lives consumes us and sometimes that perspective is not in fact reality. We have the ability to control our own perspective on our own lives. We also have the ability to set personal boundaries. We have the ability to control at least for the most part the negativity that we allow into our lives. We can control who we associate with and we control the social media that we absorb and so much more.
Remember in Episode 3 how we talked about how you dress affecting you? Well your surrounds have a similar effect on you. If you surround yourself with negative people and things you will also be inclined to be negative. But if you surround yourself with positive energy you just may improve not only your own day but also help out the people around you. It is so important for us to learn to be problem solvers as adults but it is even more important for us to teach our children not to just sit around and complain but to take action and solve their own problems.
There are times when I hear my son complaining about everything and I literally can’t take it. I know that he is just expressing himself but I have to stop him and help him reframe because he starts to spiral and then there is a problem with everything.
I also encourage him to try to figure out how he can solve the problem. Sure it would be a million times easier for me to solve the problem for him. But I don't want him to be a grown ass man who can’t figure out how to open a door because he has something in each of his hands. Seriously! Put both things in one hand. Or just stand there and complain that you can’t open the door….
So what are you going to do today are you going to figure out how to open the door or stand there and complain about it? And if today is an off today…. Shake it off for tomorrow and start fresh!
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